It Hits Home

It was September 11th. I got the call at 10am.

I was overworked, sleep deprived, and PMSing (the kind where I am angry and/or cry).

I was at work when my cell phone rang.

This story isn't going where you think it is.

It was Pal* calling me. I answered the phone, already sensing something is wrong. "Hi. Is everything ok?"

No. It's not.

"...Friend tested positive and now I need to go get tested. I'm freaking out."

This was 9-11 of 2006.

I don't remember what I responded with, but I must have said something.

The test wasn't until the next day.

It was my only night free, so I said I would come over after we both got off of work. Still couldn't believe Pal was going to work the whole day.

After we got off the phone, I went back to my computer. My hands wouldn't stop shaking. I opened and saved the same file six times. Then went into the bathroom to cry. And repeated the whole process again.

We had just seen each other the night before. Now all of a sudden our world could be turned upside down. I guess September elevenths have a way of doing that.

I managed to get through the day. Mostly I tried to think of what to do or say once I got to the house. How can I say, "I'm sure you are fine" when I wasn't sure? The unknown can be a very scary thing.
I kind of laughed at myself because the other thought I had was,"Bring comfort food." Must be the Lutheran in me. But being a veggie who can't cook, it wouldn't be a casserole.

When I got off work I gave a call. Pal had taken the afternoon off from work and decided to go visit parents in another town. The problem was I felt like I really needed to see Pal in person for my own sake.

We did talk on the phone for a bit. Pal wanted more to be distracted, so we talked about the events of the weekend and jobs and future plans. We were actually laughing and it felt good.

I know that it is no longer an immediate death sentence. But it still is life altering. And even if Pal's results are negative, Pal still has to deal with Friend being positive.

As I write this, Pal hasn't even gone to the appointment yet.

There is a couple of reasons I am writing about this. One is for my own 'journal therapy.' Another is to be more of a public service announcement. To say that HIV is still a problem. It's not something that happened back in the 80's and 90's but is no longer a problem in America. It's still a problem now.

Since high school I've had a fear of a friend telling me they are positive. Fifteen years later and no one had, I began to think that maybe it wasn't going to happen. That it was a problem back then and with everyone being careful nowadays, it wouldn't happen. And so far it hasn't happened, really. This is just a scare until the results come back.

*Names and genders to remain anonymous